Quick Guide: Am I Being Recruited?

Carli Lloyd's third goal yesterday was so epic that I had to include it in this post about athletes.

As I've mentioned in my How to Apply to Stanford post, and as I will continue to discuss ad absurdum, ad nauseam, and ad infinitum, you must know whether you have a hook. A hook can determine whether that school is a realistic possibility or just a dream.

One possible hook is being a recruited athlete. But how do you know, exactly, if you're being recruited? Yeah, if you're a super-awesome #1 athlete, you probably know. But what if you're on the bubble? What follows is a quick guide to help you assess where you really stand.

Stage 1: Assess Interest

1. Are you even interested in the school that might be recruiting you? Set aside for a second whether the coach at the school is interested in you. If you're not interested in the school, then the school's interest in you doesn't matter. If you don't like Snickers, then you don't really care if someone offers you a coupon for Snickers.
2. Are you "on the coach's list"? It's not surprising that coaches will make vaguely encouraging statements about how they'd love to have you play for them if you came. But actually being on the coach's list is one way to know you might be getting somewhere.
3. Will the coach "support" your application? Support means a coach is putting you on a list that goes to the admissions office. If you have support, then you really do have a hook.

Stage 2: Advocate

Let's say the answers to the 3 questions above all come back positive. Yes, you're interested in the school. Yes, you're on the coach's list. Yes, the coach will support your application. Now what? Here are 3 steps you'll want to take to follow up.

1. Ask your club or high school coach to talk to the college coach. When your coach talks to the college coach, your coach can explain your recent achievements, including participation in showcase and JO tournaments. Also, your coach can assess the college coach's level of interest to make sure it's as strong as you think it is.
2. Advocate for yourself. Set up an online profile. If you're not sure where, ask your coach which website previous recruits have used. Then remember to update your profile and to email the college coach directly about new achievements.
3. Register for the NCAA Clearinghouse. You're going to have to send in your transcript through junior year, along with your SAT or ACT score. Start now!

Stage 3: Build a Balanced List that Assumes You're Not Being Recruited

If you've been reading this blog, you know about the importance of a balanced list. If you need a quick refresher, then please check out my Where to Apply to College post.

When you're dealing with the uncertainty of whether or not you're being recruited, build your list so it's balanced even if you don't end up being recruited. What I mean is:

• No, DO NOT apply to 5 dream schools that would never accept you without the hook of being recruited.
• Yes, DO definitely apply to 2-3 of those dream schools!
• Yes, DO apply to 3 good safety schools where your chances have nothing to do with being recruited, schools where your chances look good by your numbers alone.
• Yes, DO apply to 4 target schools where your chances look good by your numbers alone.

In other words, your list has to stand on its own and be balanced even if you don't end up being recruited.

That's about it to get you started. This by no means a comprehensive guide. This is an "explain it to me in 60 seconds guide." For comprehensive, you have Google.

Jon

P.S. Thank you to Ellen Perkins, aka Mom, for helping me understand this process better. Also, as a bonus for the water polo players out there, even if you're not recruited, you can find plenty of great club options at the Collegiate Water Polo Association website.

Jon Perkins holds a B.A. in English from Stanford University and a J.D. from Harvard Law School. He helps students with their college, law school, and medical school applications.

Students Speak: Pre-Med Advice

Each year, I end up working both with high school students who plan to be pre-med and with med school applicants. That got me thinking: Why don't I just ask some of the Essaywise alumni for pre-med advice? Here is the unedited, unvarnished advice I received from my students.

Advice from a Stanford Sophomore

Like many college freshmen, I started out as a pre-med in the fall of my freshman year. I'm still pre-med, and I enjoyed taking my pre-med classes, but if there's one thing I regret and highly recommend that you do as a freshman, it is to take classes that seem personally interesting to you. At Stanford, for example, there are a few introductory classes that are well-taught and required as entry classes into different majors - CS 106A, Psych 1, Econ 1. I didn't take these classes as a freshman because I was concerned with doing well in my pre-med classes. Freshman year is really the year in which you should try out different subjects. Of course, if you're pre-med, it is natural to be concerned with your GPA, but the fact that you are already thinking so far ahead means that you are a good student and you can take the liberty to try out other classes and enjoy your freshman year! Who knows - maybe you like CS 106A or Econ 1 and you decide to switch to a CS or Econ major. It's better to try than to spend the rest of your college life wondering what other interests you may have.

In general, this concept of trying new things extends beyond just academics - try rock climbing, go on hikes, make new friends, join the orchestra, play frisbee. Work hard and play hard - and most importantly, savor and enjoy your freshman year!

Advice from a Recent WashU Graduate

My advice for incoming freshman interested in medical school is to start exploring the field early to see if it's right for you (physician shadowing is especially helpful), try to do well in the introductory science courses through getting extra help and studying hard (it makes life a lot easier later on), and take as many classes in fields outside of the sciences as possible. The reason why I mention the last one is because undergraduate is probably the last chance for those students entering medicine to take classes that can broaden perspectives and add a lot of variety to your education -- like a foreign language, history, anthropology, economics, etc. So many fields intersect with medicine, so a broad education is really important at the end of the day.

Advice from a Recent USC Graduate

A Guide to Surviving Pre-Medicine by ddrsoba

If you are reading this, then you have either demonstrated an interest, or have already decided on embarking in pre-medicine, colloquially known as premed, eventually reaching a career goal as a physician and beyond. There are a lot of things that can’t be fully explained in this blog, but I will cover as many points as I can, at least the ones I find critically important.

Finding the right undergraduate institution is probably the most important factor of having a solid premed career. I have seen many peers and students who immediately commit towards the highest ranked school without a second thought, only to meet with dire consequences. The brutal and honest truth is that any school you go to, you always will be graded on a curve. Most schools range from a B to C+ average, and it is NOT true that Harvard, Yale, or Stanford inflate premed grades. Especially the basic introductory science courses, each and every school and program’s job is to weed out the less fortunate students who have not the commitment and desire to slog through hours of studies. I understand that most of you are struggling in keeping up with the Joneses, of trying to reach the school of their dreams based solely on prestige. If you continue to be blinded by such mindset, then I can tell you with certainty that medicine is not right for you. Be prepared and accepting of uncertain fallbacks and failures.

The two most important metrics in applying to medical school are the GPA and MCAT. Grade point average is broken down into two components, the cumulative GPA (cGPA) and the BCPM gpa (sGPA). Both are critical. The BCPM gpa consists of all science classes, including the core pre-requisites needed for medical school (one year of biology, one year of general chemistry, one year of organic chemistry, one year of physics, one semester of calculus, one semester of statistics). The MCAT 2015 exam, a new, 7-hour sitting, consists of not only the basic sciences, but now includes statistics, sociology, and psychology. Plan to take these three classes into your pre-requisites prior to the MCAT. In the past, it would have not been necessary to take a prep course for the old test. Now, I recommend that it is prudent to take such courses in preparation for a relatively new formatted exam. As for GPA and MCAT goals, that will be up to your own personal goals. There are scores of websites that detail such information that I won’t get into.

With that in mind, I want to move onto major selection. While it is true that most premed will major in biology, it is perfectly to major in anything else and still be able to do premed. At a price. While it does add dimension to your overall application profile, keep in mind that most medical schools will still focus on the your performance in the core science pre-requisites, so while purposely taking an easy major may boost your overall GPA, it will not account for a poor performance in key science courses.

We then move onto extracurricular activities. Without a doubt, the first priority is getting clinical experience in BOTH volunteering and shadowing. Consistent levels of commitment over a long period of time are unspoken requirements at this point. I will tell you this; medical schools will be able to sniff out from a mile away whether or not you have truly committed to such an activity through secondary responses and interviews. As for research, while most students will engage in it, the same rule applies. What you get out of it and the work and time that you put in is of utmost importance. Publications, abstracts, presentations, leadership, and personal growth are all important factors when engaging in pre-medically related extracurricular activities. Nevertheless, it is always important to have 1 or 2 activities that are for personal enjoyment, and that do not have to be medically related. These can add a further dimension to your application, and once again, especially in interviews.

I know this may come as a shock to some, but I STRONGLY suggest that you seriously consider, if not decide, on taking a gap year between college and medical school. Just over 50% of medical school matriculates over the past 4 years have taken at least one or more gap year. Many options exist during that gap year, such as further clinical/lab research, job/work experience, intense volunteering/teaching, or even just traveling. Such experiences will not only strengthen and enrich, but also build a dynamic of maturity and growth that medical schools will see and appreciate.

Most importantly, I want you to understand that there is so much that college has to offer. You want to choose a school where you can excel, but also have a good time with your friends, peers, loved ones. The cliché, “best four years of your life” can come to fruition if you approach undergraduate life with a positive mindset. By having a tunnel vision of getting into a top medical school as your only goal and day-to-day living for the next for years, I can guarantee that you won’t be as fulfilled in comparison to having an open mind. I can tell you numerous stories of premed gunners whose only goal in college were to get into (insert top 20 medical school here), and ended up ostracizing themselves away from everybody. Don’t be that person. While pursing such lofty goal is admirable, keep in mind that in the big picture, getting into medical school is only one step in the long ladder towards being a physician. While grades are important, building meaningful relationships with faculty, colleagues, peers, trying new things, pursuing meaningful hobbies, are tantamount to a well-rounded and balanced college experience that will manifest itself come application time.

I hope this blog will help you in making the best future decisions. Remember, the journey is the destination. ddrsoba

Advice from a UCLA School of Medicine Student

Here are some pieces of advice that I would share!

- Don't worry necessarily about what you are going to major / minor in and don't feel pressured to major in biology or something else that is stereotypically "pre-med". It is certainly a good idea to plan out which core pre-med courses you will take and when you will take them, but other than that try to explore subjects you are truly passionate about. Core classes you should plan out are biology (one year with lab), general chemistry (one year with lab), physics (one year with lab), organic chemistry (one year with lab), calculus, statistics, one year of english, and biochemistry.

- Each medical school has a different set of required courses. Check with specific schools you think you may end up applying to (these will likely include your state schools) so that you can ensure you meet those requirements. For example some schools highly recommend a foreign language or specific statistics courses.

- Start shadowing physicians and getting clinical experience early! Going to medical school and becoming a doctor is a long and difficult path. Getting clinical experience early on with let you know if it is something you are truly passionate in pursuing. Medical schools will certainly be asking how you knew medicine would a good fit, and you can draw on experiences you have had in a clinical setting. Also, starting to shadow physicians early will allow you to develop mentor relationships with doctors who can be valuable resources for advice and letters of recommendation.

- GET TO KNOW YOUR PROFESSORS / ADVISORS. Go to office hours even if you do not have questions. The application for medical school requires 5-6 letters of recommendation and you want them to be from people that know you very well. Approximately two of these letters will be from science professors who often teach larger classes. Although professors may seem intimidating, they generally are really eager to get to know their students, so do not be afraid to meet with them outside of class.

- Start documenting anecdotes from important activities in your college career early. Let's say you are shadowing a doctor and come across a really intriguing case and the doctor handles it in a way that really resounds with you - write it down! Or maybe you are doing research in lab and you run into some difficulties that you are able to work through. Or you could be on a sports team and you are able to help a teammate through a time of need. Specific anecdotes like these will be very helpful for when you are writing your applications for medical school because they will make your essays stronger and more personal.

- Many people think that in order to go to med school you have to do EVERYTHING. This is not true. It is better to find a few activities that you are really passionate about and stick with them for a couple years so that you can dedicate a lot of time to them and perhaps take on some leadership roles. Medical schools really want to see that you have a good deal of clinical exposure (physician shadowing, volunteering in a hospital / clinic), research or lab experience, and some sort of volunteer work. It will be more meaningful if you have a few experiences that you are incredibly passionate about than if you have 20 experiences that you did not dedicate much time to.

Final Thoughts

If you identify the issues, then you can address them. Here are the issues I see these students working through:

1. Selecting courses.
2. Selecting extracurricular activities.
3. Cultivating relationships with professors and mentors.
4. Defining the relation between success and prestige.

Jon

Thank you to my students for your insights. This was the easiest blog post I've written in a long time. You guys are great!

What You Need to Know about Chocolate Milk

"I got to have chocolate milk at lunch today!" my son told me the other day when I picked him up from summer camp. There is a certain triumphant excitement in a child's voice when he has successfully circumvented the draconian rules of home. "But I don't have it every day, just some days," he continued. My son, the reasonable. Do I still know you? I often wonder.

Remembrances of Chocolate Milk

When I was little, my mom used to let me make chocolate milk once in a while as a special treat. Maybe one of the best parts of being a parent is getting to chance to create special moments, even small ones.

I remember being about ten, playing Lunada Bay Little League. All the other kids in the dugout were eating sunflower seeds, hot dogs, or, of course, Big League Chew. What's more appropriate for kids than gum shredded to resemble chewing tobacco? Answer me that. My dad had gotten off work early and was able to come see the game. But when I asked him if he could buy me a hot dog to eat in the dugout, he said, "No." Reasonable, but I was disappointed.

Then, the next inning as I stood in center field, the ball came off the bat with a plink. My body fully extended, I managed a diving catch. I stood up, grass stains on my uniform, and tossed the ball back to the infield. There I see my dad, sitting in the bleachers behind home plate. He leaps up, raises his arms, and turns to the parent next to him: "That's it, I'm going to buy him a hot dog!" That is the best hot dog I ever had. Being a parent is the chance to give those special moments.

I could never quite predict those special chocolate milk moments my mom would give me. How did my mom choose which days were chocolate milk days? Based on whether I was having a bad day? Based on whether she was having a bad day? Or just because? On those days, I was allowed to pour my milk into the glass, add a couple big squeezes of Hershey's chocolate syrup, mix it all up with a spoon, and enjoy possibility. Possibility that lurking among the ordinary, the routine, and the mandatory are moments of contentment.

Chocolate Milk and the College Application

As I help families through the Common Application or the UC application or whatever it is, I'm always asking myself, "What's my role?" It turns out that the answer has a lot to do with chocolate milk. I'm convinced a college application is like chocolate milk. A student's GPA, SAT scores, AP classes, and hook are like the nutrients of the milk, and a student's essays and recommendation letters are like the flavor of the chocolate. A good application has both milk and chocolate. To make these good applications happen, there are two questions I like to discuss with families.

Question #1: How Nutritious Is the Milk?

The first question is, "How nutritious is the milk?" In terms of college applications, the nutrients that count are GPA, SAT, ACT, the number of AP classes, and, just as importantly, the hook. [For more discussion of the hook, please see my post How to Apply to Stanford.] We must examine the nutritional label with clear eyes, with vision unclouded by optimism, hope, or love. When we are realistic about the nutrients on the label, then we can develop a college list that maximizes a student's choices.

If there's one tendency I've observed in parents, it's the tendency to over-estimate how good their student's numbers are. That over-estimation leads them to push for more reach schools than is prudent, say 5 instead of 2. If you want to save yourself the money of hiring a college consultant to help with the college list, I have one very simple piece of advice: find good target and safety schools. Everyone can name 10 reach or dream schools, but those are only 2-3 schools on the list. You still need 8-9 target and safety schools. Instead of saying, "I don't have to worry about that because I'm getting into my dream school," take time to find good target and safety schools.

Question #2: How Chocolatey Is the Milk?

The second question is, "How chocolatey is the milk?" Colleges want their nutrients, but they want flavor, too. We all know students are more than just numbers. They are, like, actual people with actual personalities, you know? Flavor comes through in an application in two big ways: the essays, which you control 100%, and the letters of recommendation, which you do not. Sure, you can create a "cheat sheet" for your letter writers to make sure they remember any memorable moments, if they really love you, then you won't have to!

You still control how the essays reveal your personality, though. Probably 90% of the time you spend on college applications will be on the essays. Yet, hard though it may be to accept, the effect the essays have on the final admission result often doesn't measure up to the amount of time you've spent on the essays. What I mean is that no amount of chocolate syrup can make up for a lack of nutrients. It's not as if a great essay will add 100 points to your SAT score. That said, the essay can be a tiebreaker or tip factor if it comes down to you and some other candidate with similar numbers. How often that happens is anyone's guess.

But really, the reason to do a good job on each college application, including the essay, is just because "how you do anything is how you do everything." You do them to the best of your ability because you're not the type of person who would accept any lesser approach.

Free Chocolate Milk

You don't have to pay for chocolate milk. Every year, millions of high school students apply to college without paying someone like me. Guess what? They're all doing just fine! If you're going to take on the challenge by yourself, here are some tips for the road:

1. Read my Where to Apply to College post to understand what a "balanced list" is.
2. Use the Essaywise College Map to find 8-9 target and safety schools.
3. Check out the Essaywise Story Tool and click "Shuffle" to get some quick essay topic ideas.

Jon

Jon Perkins holds a B.A. in English from Stanford University and a J.D. from Harvard Law School. He helps students with their college, law school, and medical school applications.

Order the Pork

Last weekend, I met up with some of my old PenHi classmates for Korean barbecue. The debate was about whether to go to Shilla Restaurant or somewhere else. "Shilla Restaurant has gone downhill since the olden days," James said, and he pointed out the 3.5 star rating on Yelp. But Dave was not swayed, and he made the call that Shilla was the place to get pork barbecue. That's where we went. As it turns out, most of the reviews don't tell the whole story.

Order Pork at Shilla Restaurant

Shilla ended up being a great choice. Yes, I understand I'm not Korean or Korean-American and therefore not in a position to judge Korean restaurants, etc., etc., but most of my friends are, so if they're good with it, I'm good with it.

At the end of the meal, each of us got to draw a ping pong ball out of a jar to win a prize. One guy won two coffee mugs. Another won a bottle of flower-scented body wash, which was just delightful. Another won a box of 12 bowls of instant just-add-water Korean noodles. I won two bottles of Starbucks Frappuccino. Just another reminder that doing a little more than expected can make a lasting impression.

But -- the food. The food was perfect. We only ordered pork. Lots of it, and it was delicious. One of my friends insisted that the bigger pieces of meat tasted better than the smaller pieces of meat that had been cut with scissors. At first I argued that it's ridiculous to say that the pieces tasted different based on how they were cut. The bigger pieces were more meat, but not better. Then he told me, "More is better," which is an irrefutable argument when it comes to Korean barbecue. Aside from the various cuts of pork, also delicious was the fried rice made on the grill. That crispy-crunchy rice that absorbs all the pork flavor and sticks to the grill, the kind you have to scrape off to eat, was a perfect final dish.

At some point, I turned to Dave and asked him, "How did you know this place would be good for pork?"

"JP, look at the walls," Dave said. "There are pictures of pigs everywhere. There is even a drawing of the different parts of the pig. You're not going to order the seafood."

Of course, he's right. It's completely obvious. Order the specialty. If you're going to Shilla Restaurant, don't order the seafood. Order the pork.

Application Essay Advice for Students

When you're thinking about the Common Application essay or the UC application essay, I want you to remember Shilla Restaurant pork barbecue. You get to choose what part of you -- what quality or experience -- you serve up to your reader. Serve up your best.

There are lots of things you could write about. But the only thing you should write about in your long application essay is your special strength. The thing people like or admire most about you. Your superpower. For example, my superpower is that I don't need to prove to you I'm right. When I set aside proving my point, I'm more open to hearing yours. Understanding you is, to me, more important to me than showing you how clever I might be.

So you're thinking that my superpower is mundane, lame, or basic. That's fine. That's true. I want to take the pressure off to portray yourself as some super person who really isn't you. Just find some quality you're proud of and write about that. If you're not sure what your superpower is, ask someone who knows you: "I need to write an essay about my best quality. What do you think I should write about?" Done.

Application Essay Advice for Parents

If you're a parent who's worried your child isn't moving fast enough on the college applications yet - basically, if you're like every parent I've ever talked to - fret not. You can help. Just probably not the way you think.

What most parents do is offer technical advice. This comes in the form of "Why don't you write about...?" or "Why don't you say it this way...?" The problem with technical advice is that it virtually guarantees the perpetuation of the prod-resist-procrastinate cycle. Parent prods student to work faster. Students resist, saying "I got this." (In parents' defense, the student is nearly always wrong in this assessment, but proving you're right won't really advance your cause.) Friction between parent and student increases. Energy that should be focused on doing the actual work is lost on fighting. Students procrastinate. That is why technical advice doesn't work.

How to Inspire Confidence

I have the solution. Just kidding. I have part of the solution. Technical advice doesn't work. What works is reassurance.

As parents, sometimes we need to pause. We're always going to be thinking about where we want our children to go next. That's natural. We want our kids to achieve whatever the maximum they can in this life. But sometimes, we have to spend a few minutes appreciating how far they've come. Also, we need to think about where a 17-year-old is in life. She is at a crossroads. Independent, but not fully so. Confident, but not fully so. An adult, but not fully so.

When is the last time we stopped to remember what it was like to be 17? It takes some effort. I can't even remember what it was like to have to hold my daughter's hand while she climbed the stairs, and that was only 1 year ago. Forget about remembering when I was 17. I do remember meeting Christa when I was 17, though. I have to write that down or I will get in trouble later when she reads this (Hi, Dear!).

If you can bring yourself to pause for a moment to think about where your child is in life now and how she got here, then you're ready to write your child a letter. Write about why you're proud of the person she's become. If possible, make sure you and your spouse, or you and any other close relatives, all write letters. Be as specific as possible about the personal quality you admire most in your child. Write about times you've observed that quality in action. They might be random little moments, but those are the ones that count.

For example, I admire that my son's stubborn desire to be happy. Even though I tell him he doesn't have to be happy all the time, whenever I ask him if he's tired, angry, sad, or happy, he always tell me he's happy, even if that's clearly false. Yesterday, when he finished his day at summer camp (Rolling Hills Country Day summer camp = awesome!) with orange popsicle stains on his camp shirt and just enough strength to trudge across the hot asphalt parking lot to our car, he insisted he was happy but not tired. He believes his defiance can conjure happiness into existence.

You need to write about your child's superpower. Then, at a time when you and your child are both relaxed, bring your letter. Read it to your child aloud, and hand it to her. Then wait. Take a deep breath. Don't fill the silence with sound. See what happens. That's it. Done.

This is something I try to do at the end of the application process with my students, after I get to know them, after I've seen them struggle to express themselves in their writing. I tell them what their superpowers are, and I encourage them to hold onto that as they start college. But as a parent, you don't have to wait. You can write that letter and have that conversation now to boost your child's confidence. And going through the writing process yourself will boost your own empathy, too.

One More Tip for Making the Process Less Stressful

Of course, we must be practical about procrastination, too. It's not unreasonable for parents to request and receive regular progress updates from your child about her college applications. But it is unreasonable to ask for those updates all the time, any time, whenever you feel like it. Plus, that will just start the prod-resist-procrastinate cycle.

My simple suggestion is to pick a day of the week (or if your schedule is regular enough, a certain meal or time) when you will check in with your child about the Common Application, the UC application, or whatever other application your child is working on. The deal is that you don't get to hound your child at other times, but at the appointed time, your child must give an honest assessment of what is going well and what isn't.

I Trust You

Everyone has the same goal. You and your child both want her special trait to shine through in the application, the same way Shilla Restaurant uses drawings of pigs on the wall to make sure everyone knows pork is its specialty. The biggest contribution parents can make at the beginning of the application process is not technical, like "Write about this" or "Say it this way." It's relational: "I'm proud of you, and I trust you."

Jon

Jon Perkins holds a B.A. in English from Stanford University and a J.D. from Harvard Law School. He helps students with their college, law school, and medical school applications.

London Bridge Is Usually Terrible

I don't mean the London Bridge pictured above. I rather fancy that one. I mean the "London Bridge Is Falling Down" song.

My knowledge of YouTube "London Bridge Is Falling Down" music videos is both unrivaled and unfortunate. I have watched at least 25 versions a combined total of at least 1,000 times. I could blame my kids for choosing the same bedtime songs every night. Actually, I do blame them. They're the reason I can tell you which versions of London Bridge have goofy sound effects, which have nasal vocals, which have flying pigs, which have animation lacking any sense of proportion, which have pleasing instrumentation, and which have cars falling off the bridge (exciting! according to a four-year-old). In other words, I am uniquely qualified to tell you why most London Bridge videos are so terrible.

A Conversation with My Fair Lady

Here's the plot of most of these videos: "Uh, My Fair Lady?" "Yes?" [English accent, always.] "London Bridge is falling down." "Oh, is she now? Well run along and build her up again." [Building commences and ends.] "My Fair Lady?" "What now?" "I'm afraid it's falling down again." "Oh, bother."

But that's just it. It's not a bother to My Fair Lady at all. The bridge keeps falling down and getting built up, but My Fair Lady just doesn't care. She carries on. She's completely not bothered, or, in modern parlance, she is unbothered. She doesn't care about the bridge. That means I don't care about the bridge, either. I wonder, "Why are we so caught up in this bridge, anyway, if its falling down brings no consequences?" We shouldn't be caught up. We shouldn't be wasting our time.

London Bridge, Improved

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaivelO90qw

I have found exactly one "exciting" London Bridge video, and this is it. Oh, relax. I'm not rambling about this London Bridge video just because. If you understand what makes this London Bridge video work, then you'll know what makes a college application essay work, too.

This video features a robot girl named Springy as My Fair Lady. Springy is building a miniature version of the bridge. When the waves wash away her sand bridge, or the rain washes away her sticks and stones bridge, or the crab wrecks her bricks and mortar bridge, Springy isn't just like, "Whatever." She cries. She suffers. I don't know why she wants so badly to build this bridge, but I can see that not finishing it puts some part of her being at risk. Therefore, I am interested. Springy's London Bridge is a good story because we know she stands to lose something.

Take a Risk

I know what some of you are thinking. Some of you are thinking that you're blessed to have lived fairly smooth lives. You haven't overcome illness, poverty, disability, or prejudice. I count myself in this category. Smooth ride so far, counting my blessings, thanking my lucky stars, and invoking other cliches 24-7. But having a smooth life doesn't excuse dull writing. You think the admission officer reading your essay is going to be like, "Oh, that was really boring, but I guess it's totally fine because he's had a nice life, poor guy." I don't think so.

If you can't find the risk in your life, then maybe you're not zoomed in enough on your timeline. We can't just assess the years, the months, the weeks, the days. We have to zoom in on the hours, the minutes, the seconds. To show you what I mean, I will narrate thirty seconds of my life to you.

Thirty Seconds That Changed Me

One evening last December, I was home with my kids. I see my son, age 4, shove my daughter, age 2, to the ground. She is crying but holding her head. I pick up my daughter and ask my son to apologize. He yells, "No!" Then he runs off. I set my daughter down and chase my son to the pantry. Tough breaks for the younger sibling, always. My son stares at me with a look that says he would rather gouge out his own eyes than say he is sorry. I wonder where that comes from. I have a 5-second fuse, and we are past 5 seconds. I kneel down so we are eye to eye. "Say sorry!" I am raising my voice. "I am not going to say sorry!" He raises his voice. "You need to say you're sorry!" Our faces are are six inches apart. I am yelling. Later he will tell me that this scared him, which, well, really isn't that surprising to a calmer me. "No! No! No!" He is yelling. This isn't working. My patience gone, I reach out with my right hand and flick his left ear. Then it's a flash flood of tears. He looks at me as if I'm a stranger. I wish I could take it back. I say, "I'm sorry," and I gather him up in my arms until he stops sniffling. At this point, I don't really know what my daughter is doing. Again, tough breaks for the younger kid. I was sorry less for the physical pain I had caused than for the promise I had broken. Until a couple months earlier, I had flicked my son's ear whenever he shoved his little sister. But one day, after hearing him tell her, "If you don't listen, I'm going to flick your ear," I realized that perhaps this experiment wasn't yielding the results I intended. So I took him aside and told him, "I'm not going to flick your ear anymore. If you do something wrong, you'll have a timeout, or you'll lose privileges." Then, in a storm in the pantry, I cheapened those words with a flick of my finger. If the people I love can't trust what I say, then I've lost everything. I had put that trust at risk. And all this happened in thirty seconds.

My Thirty Seconds, Illustrated

Now, you can say what you will about this anecdote, but I want you to notice I didn't try to write about "my relationship with my son." I wrote about thirty seconds. Relationships were, at least in some small sense, at stake. There was risk. There was conflict my son and me. Also, between myself and myself -- which wins out, standing up for my daughter, or keeping my promise to my son? But obviously, in retrospect, there were other options. It was not either-or. In the moment, that insight eluded me.

I put together this sketch of my thirty seconds, just so you can see all the elements of the story laid out together:

• Topic: That decision cost me. Breaking a promise put my son's trust in me at risk.
• Setting: Home. Specifically, in the pantry.
• Emotion: Conflicted. I wanted to teach my son the right way, but I also wanted to keep my promise to him.
• Motive: Family. To me, how we as a family handle conflict says a lot about our character, whether good or bad.
• Time: When I least expected it. I was surprised. 99% of my time in the pantry is spent sneaking jelly beans or chips. When you have kids, you become a fugitive, flying to secret places to consume secret junk food you deny them.
• Opponent: Relative. My only son. Also, to some extent, myself. Maybe my daughter, too, in that not standing up for her would create conflict. Not Christa, who offered immediate reassurance.

Surely you have 30 seconds to write about?

Good luck writing!

Jon

I have a B.A. in English from Stanford and a J.D. from Harvard, and I've been helping students with their college applications since 2011. Let's take a risk. Write about something uncomfortable. Offer up real you, not perfect you.